A friend of mine asked my hubby before (even before we got married), she said: “After the two of you got married, where would you be staying? Will you be living together with your parents or be on your own?” Without thinking, he answered, “Of course the best choice would be to have our own home.” I felt relieved inside. Why, if you would ask? One reason, is that I am afraid that I might not live to the expectations as their daughter in law, and the other side of me was thinking that having our own home would refrain us from having misunderstandings that would break our relationship apart as family.
This is one of the most common arguments that happen in our community. As Chinese, we are used to seeing that once a child (preferably a son) gets married, both of them would be sharing home with the groom’s parents. This was a tradition that was passed on from generations of Chinese family trees. However, since there are a lot of changes that happened after that, few changes have also occurred that now people get confused as to what really should be followed. For example, before, in Chinese communities, they are used to having pre arranged marriages, joining two people that do not even know one another to live under one roof and not being able to fulfill as to how marriage was written in the bible. And most of the time, marriages were arranged and coordinated by both the parents of the couple, leaving away what they want to happen.
Nowadays, however, wedding preparations are both the responsibilities of the couple and they have the freedom to choose how they want their party to look like. More so, they are allowed to have a house on their own, provided there is allotted. Probably, this could have been influenced when Christianity was introduced to us Chinese families, amending what was “used-to-be” to how God has written in His book.
Ephesians 5:31-32 – “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”[b] 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.”
Clearly, it is written here that a man must leave his parents (literally, that is from his current home) and join his wife in another home. This is also one good way for both of them to learn to become independent and to make and grow their own family, just like how God has designed marriage.
There are pros and cons of living alone. However, for me the pros outweigh the cons, because why then would God be writing this in the bible if this is not how our lives should be? I can’t explain how happy I am right now for living with the man of my dreams. I am not saying that life is always easy, but when it is with him, I know that no struggle can break us apart with God in the center of our marriage. 🙂