Thoughts About Life..

I woke up at half past two in the morning to my toddler’s subtle cry. And two and half hours have passed, and I am still wide awake. 

Tiktok.. Tiktok.. 

Things just keep boggling my mind. I suddenly remembered I have an unpaid bill that will soon be due. I suddenly thought about applying to a remote job, and started rummaging through the LinkdIn app in search of a suitable job for me. My seems-to-be-stagnant life as a housewife and mom keep making me think that I need to do something to make me the best. 

I found a job and it said I had to submit an updated resume to push through with the application. So I went to check mine, and found out that it is indeed a bit old to be called updated. Nonetheless, I still tried to edit here and there to make it appealing to my future boss. I checked the previous company that I worked under to update my portfolio. I was glad to have seen my old articles still there. 

And then, it hit me again. What if I apply to them again? Will I still be valuable to them? Will I be able to get things done correctly? Will I be able to meet their expectations? It seems so hard for me to go back to working again after stopping for less than a year. It frightens me that I might not be able to do my job well. It also scares me that I might not be able to be a great mom for Vince. Oh the thoughts one can have in the midst of the stillness of the world! 

What should I do? I love being a mom and a housewife but sometimes I feel that something is lacking. It seems that I need to get my butt working to get my life back to how it was before.

Don’t get me wrong. I love being the wife and mom who is always available 24/7. I love making warm and hearty meals for my family. I love how I can enjoy crocheting while watching my favorite Netflix shows. I love how I can be hands on to our almost three toddler. I love how I can enjoy a hot cup of coffee especially on lazy mornings. 

Come to think of it, my life is not really that bad. It might seem like a boring life for others, but what matters is that my husband and child are happy. And thanks to finishing this entry, I think I know what I ought to do with my life. But first, I need to go back to sleep (hopefully!), while the sky is still not that bright! 🙂

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