Suffer No More

It’s the second day of the year 2019, and it seems that I am not in the mood to work, to do stuffs, to be a new me, and even to smile. It has been so long since I last felt this way. I know this is crazy. I know that I should not let this happen. I shouldn’t ruin my second day. But what can I do? What should I do to feel better?

For the past few months I have been better. I was in all smiles, and always positive. Positive that everything will turn out fine, and even if some things don’t follow what I have already planned ahead, I was okay, and I was able to move on quietly and happily. I kept thinking that whatever happens, it will always be because of the will of God, that even if it is not as okay as it looks, I know that behind everything that’s been happening is because there is a God that backs it all up. That no matter what I do, God will always be in control and He won’t allow bad stuffs to happen to me. Or so I thought.

As I was happily finishing the year off 3 days ago, I assumed that I have overcome this feeling of sadness and loneliness. Yes, I am happier now, but could it be just because I was busy that I forgot to be sad? Since still there were times that I felt sad. Maybe I just did not want to acknowledge it, or maybe I just put my real feelings aside. Afraid of what others might think of me. Afraid that I might affect the other people’s feelings. Afraid that I might send bad vibes, and make other people sad. And so in the end, I was able to put on a gleeful face, without flaws and without problems.

Little did they know that I am a sentimental person. That I am just afraid to show how I really feel. I don’t know how others would view me as. I frown when there are some things that don’t go my way. I cry when I am sad or angry. This is just the way I was made. I understand when others aren’t feeling their best, and when I see smiles, I know how truly happy they are. There are a lot of stuffs that I am thinking about right now. Stuffs that I don’t know if are worth my time and brain cells. Stuffs that have happened in the past. Stuffs that don’t even matter. Stuffs that I should be letting go. And stuffs that are making my life hard. Not only about those stuffs, but I also think about people. People who I am not sure if I should still be thinking about. People that I don’t know if still cares about me. People that I kept thinking about because I feel that I have wronged them. People that have uttered some words that it left lingering thoughts at the back of my head and they kept ringing until dawn. People that don’t even matter. People that I should have let go…

But God is wise and is always right on time because He said that:

Philippians 4:8 – “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.”

Therefore, we should think not of what negative or sad or bad events ruin us. And that we should always look on the greener side of the pasture. Life will not always be beautiful, but it always helps that we see the beauty in it. For whatever hurt or pain that we are suffering at, rest assured that God has already conquered them all for us. God won’t let us be in pain for nothing, for He will soon relieve us and surely there is reward in heaven.

John 16:33 – “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Praise God for in Him we may have peace. This world has so many temptations and evil stuffs that keep us away from Him. Let us not allow evil thoughts to conquer us – rather, allow God’s light and spirit enter through us, and let it shine above anything else.

I am not saying that I am already feeling alright right now. So later, I will be reading the bible to help me get rid of this ill feelings. Because God’s words are always healing. So I’ll make use of this time to help cleanse my thoughts and free me from this evil thing that’s been filling me today.

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