It's the 22nd day of the month of November, and I can't help but become anxious. The big day is drawing near and I can't stop thinking of what else needs to be done, which among the suppliers do we still need to meet up with and what details need special attention. It is exactly 25 days from our forever but it seems that there are a lot of things that are not yet polished. What should I do? Rather, what should 'we' do?
As I sip through my cup of coffee now, I go on thinking about what's left for me to worry about. While trying to keep myself from drowsing — I caught a really bad cold the other day, and could not keep myself together, I struggle to think of what our future holds for me and my partner. Sad to say but for the last few weeks, we have been arguing about the smallest of details. Petty things that we could have and should have let go. While we do, deep inside of me kept making me give everything up, and be single for life. It's crazy but that was what I felt, and I know it was wrong. During those times of sadness and anger, I kept praying and doubting God's choice for me. I kept asking Him, why did I have to meet such person, and asking Him, if he was really the one for me, then why am I feeling this way? I was too down. I was thinking to myself, why do I have to feel this way. And what have I not got to experience this misfortune in life. I was too down and all I could do was cry my hearts out.
But thank God for making us good again, for bringing love back to us again. It is heartbreaking but I know that God is letting this happen to us as a learning tool. He wants to ready us for the upcoming storm that we might encounter.
The other day, we started printing the names in our invitation envelope. Before me and my mom started, we sought my brother's help, because he is more knowledgeable in terms of the paper size and all. Prior that day, he already told us that we might not get the most beautiful output using our good old printer, since based on experience, for every print out, a black stain was seen at the bottom part of the envelope, probably due to the thickness of the paper (we also did this during his wedding, but using a much older version printer). But then, there was no choice but to try out on some formerly used envelope and we tried printing a draft. And indeed, a mark was seen. Uh oh. And since our suspected culprit was the thickness, we tried to apply pressure to the folds, and then tried our luck again. This time, I added my always-ever-effective-superpower — and that is prayer! While I was loading the envelope into the printer, I silently whispered to God "Lord please make this thing work, and show them the miracle that I have wanted them to see and believe." Alas! For the nth time, God did not fail me. And so as I wanted to show them how good our God is, I told them both that "My prayer was effective!" None of them said a word, and all I hope was that they would acknowledge God's work in our lives.
This is a small thing, but for me, it was such a big deal because I was glad to let others know how God affects our lives even in small details. I wanted to show them that God is always there when we need Him the most. 🙂
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